So our journey into fatherhood began many years back, which makes me feel super old!!
As I mentioned in my last post we initially looked at going down the surrogacy route. We made an appointment to see the British Surrogacy Centre based in Essex. I had done quite a bit of research on surrogacy and read into other peoples experiences of this. To be completely honest this is what I had wanted for so long, to experience having a child biologically either mine or my partners. Also I had dreamed of having the new born baby experience, my job makes me so broody!!!
When we arrived at the centre I was super excited, we were taken to some sort of meeting room and given so much information. They went into a lot of detail and gave us both options that the centre offers, the first being surrogacy here in the UK and the second being using their office in California. After the meeting which gave us both a massive headache due to all the information these guys piled on to us we headed to a pub for food and drink! We talked over the information but it was clear that we felt both options were not for us.
Firstly the UK law surround surrogacy is dated, complicated and to be perfectly honest messed up. The way in which surrogacy works is that the surrogate is essentially a host while the egg is a donor egg, therefore the surrogate is not biologically related to the child whatsoever yet the surrogate could change her mind and keep the child meaning it would be shared parenting. In the UK the government do not recognise the agreement that would be made between us, the surrogate and the centre therefore meaning that the whole process would not be legally binding. This worried me massively as it is an expensive process yet there is no guarantee that we would have a child at the end of this either way.
Secondly the US option was a no go. Although legally the states have surrogacy on point, its legally binding no turning back. However the costs of this are huge and we would have to stay in the states for 4 weeks following the birth as you can’t fly with a child under 4 weeks of age, so again additional costs!!.
At this point it was a odd feeling, I wasn’t open to the idea of adopting at all at this point. I am quite stubborn and set in my way of thinking which probably looking back on the idea of surrogacy (and totally now having a different mindset!!!) I didn’t want to think about it or look into it. The mr had always thought about adoption but prior to the meeting I was dead-set on surrogacy. So now I was kind of lost, not knowing what to think or where to turn to.
Fast forward 2 and a bit years following a apartment purchase and we are looking at adoption! We moved to Greenwich and thought it made sense to contact Greenwich to see what the process of adopting through them was. We attended an information day to get more info etc. To be honest this didn’t really give much info it was very basic and the information event was over pretty quickly. We were given a form to fill out if we want to proceed. We had a discussion on the drive back home on what to do next, we decided that given we had little information and it didn’t seem like we would get much more info if we called we decided to fill in the form and send it off. The form asked the basics, i.e. address, names, DOB but it then asked for 7 references of people of know us. These 7 people would be asked to send the social worker a reference on us as a couple and whether they think we could adopt and what sort of life would we give the child. We also had to specify what gender we both wanted, which is something we already knew after much thought. Initially we were open to gender but after talking we realise we wanted a little boy. We filled in the form the same day after calling different people we wanted to use as a reference (family and close friends). We posted it off and it was a waiting game from then!!!
So thats my second post! Hope its helpful and not too much of a waffle on.