Firstly I just want to say sorry for it being some time since my last blog post. Who knew how much time and energy the school holidays take from you!! One of the issues of adoption is that until the adoption order is granted you can’t leave your child with anyone at all, which meant that due to the mr working I had our little dude the whole time. Don’t get me wrong it was amazing, and we got to bond a lot, its just extremely tiring and a 18hr day at least 4 days a week is draining!!!! I thought my 12.5hr work shifts were tough. But it was amazing to see my little guy grow, we went swimming and did some baking, sight seeing. It was a fab easter.
So on to explaining the beginning of our stage two journey. Following the news of being approved to continue we were so happy, but this is where the work really begins. Stage one is predominately formal paperwork to ensure that you are suitable to progress on to the second stage.
We met our social worker at the apartment and she explained to us the stage two process. we were given a folder which again explained the process and the dates of the almost monthly meetings! We were also told that we would be attending a two day training day early on in this stage. Other potential adopters who were also in this stage would be attending however, they would be further on in the process than us along with some other social workers. The reason for us attending so early on was because they didn’t want to delay our application as the next assessment day was not for a while. We were told that these assessment days would consist of different elements such as role play, which is a huge fear of mine, it brings on massive feelings of anxiety and I just completely withdraw. I also don’t do well in group activities because of not knowing the other people. This assessment day seemed like it was going to be a complete nightmare for me. We were given some advice which was to be ourselves and not to try and second guess what the social workers were wanting from us.
Our new social worker also went over the forms that we completed in stage one which was what child we were looking for etc and if anything had changed. We decided that we were now looking to adopt a little boy and decided that we would be happy with an age range of 2 to 5 years. We wanted a healthy child,, we were given the tick box form back and we had multiple choice options which were not open to, would consider or yes would accept. We had to list from these multiple choice options what we could consider based on physical health problems such as Cerebral Palsy, emotional difficulties, learning difficulties such as Downs syndrome and mental health disorders. All of these included parental health such as maternal mother has learning difficulties or has a mental health disorder. The problem with this form was it is so very basic and some of the health disorders listed had such a large spectrum that it was almost impossible to tick that we would accept because we didn’t want to open ourselves up to much incase we then had to reject a possible match later and then have to explain why we couldn’t adopt that particular child.
However, after speaking with our social worker at length we agreed to mark that we would consider/be open to most of the conditions other than mental health. This was due to personal feelings after I had done a lot of research into parental mental health and genetics.
Between this initial meeting and the assessment day we had a few email communications with our social worker but one face to face visit to ensure we were ready for the assessment day, I think she could sense that I was anxious about this. She went back over the advice that she gave us as well and told us that there would be two other couples attending two day assessment along with two single female potential adopters. There would also be four assessing social workers. This did nothing to calm my nerves!!!