Sorry for the delay in uploading this. It’s been a stressful two weeks. The little guy is going through some tough phases because he has now fully settled and feels safe with us, so all of his past traumas have started to resurface and it’s just a case of working through it. But, it’s really difficult to work through because naturally at 5 years of age he has not idea what the emotions that he is feeling are, which makes him very frustrated and he takes it out on himself, through hair pulling and hitting himself. It’s really upsetting to see him going through this. To be honest by the end of the day and once the little dude is in bed I am emotionally and physically exhausted. The joys of adoption! But the positives always outweigh the negatives.
So following on from the first match that ended in such a huge disappointment and a massive feeling of loss, like we had lost our chance of being dads. Our social worker finally approved our link maker account which is amazing, the reason we requested to go on this was because there was no timescale for greenwich to find us a match. Anyone going through the adoption process I would recommend going on to this site. If you have seen a profile that you think is a possible match you are able to directly message any child’s social worker to let them know. The only downfall is that if things progress social workers can message privately between each other, you can see that they are messaging each other but you have no idea what is being sent between them. During our time on link maker, knowing that the social workers were messaging each other and sharing documents had a huge impact on me…..my anxiety was crazy.
Eventually after ‘showing interest’ (as it is called on link maker!) in a few profiles we were messaged by a family finding social worker about a little soon to be 5 year old boy who they thought was a great match for us. They asked us whether we would like to proceed with the potential matching process. I showed the profile to Ricky and literally we both fell in love. It sounds crazy to have these feelings about a profile but everything that was written on the profile and his pictures were perfect. We felt that he is the missing piece to our family. We immediately responded saying we wanted to proceed. This is where the anxiety was off the scale, our social worker and the other two social workers started to send private messages and documents to each other with no messages for us.
Our social worker finally reached out to us and made a suggestion that we started to get his bedroom sorted as if the Childs social workers wanted to visit and meet with us then they would more than likely want to see his potential bedroom. We started to get it redecorated but we realised soon into the renovation that there was issues with the wall structures so we had to have the room re-plastered and the floor boards redone as they were damaged when we had some plumbing sorted. We got the bed ordered, which would have been my ideal bed as a child, a bunk bed in the style of a London bus bed!. We went with a grass style floor, and had the fire place painted yellow to match the radiator we had ordered for his bedroom.
A week or two later we got a message from our social worker saying that the child’s social workers would like to meet us. We arranged that we would meet the following month, we also got sent the child’s report which included his history, why he was removed from his mothers care, how he has progressed since being in care, previous and current medical issues as well as his development.
A month later arrived after what seemed like ages, but a stressful time because of the renovation which meant we were not able to get his room ready in time. Luckily they could see that we had everything ordered ready, just frustratingly not in time for the social workers visit, which made me worry incase this would be seen as a problem, luckily though it was. Our social worker was present for the meeting, thankfully as when the information about the child was being given to us she was picking up on bits that needed to be explained further. The meeting went well, we got a lot of information from the social workers and they had a few questions for us such as our working pattern and how that would work in terms of child care as well as whether we already had plans for adopting future children….which was a very simple answer!!! Contact between the child and family was discussed and luckily the only form of contact allowed following adoption would be a yearly letter and no face-to-face contact. The same would go for contact between him and his brother. This was tough to swallow, Ricky and myself both have another sibling and the idea of only talking to them through a letter once a year was not a nice feeling. But, there is the potential for face-to-face contact between them in the future which would be great.
We were asked to think about whether we wanted to proceed with this match and to let them know via our social worker in a couple of days time. Not that we needed anytime to think about it as we already knew the answer…..but we thought we should think about it before letting them know our decision. We had a brief chat and slept on our decision. I called our social worker the following afternoon and told her that we wanted to proceed with the match. Later that day we had a phone call back from our social worker saying that she had heard back from the child’s social workers, it was the most amazing news, they also wanted to proceed with the match.
Finally we had been matched with the most precious little boy known as L. We were on the final part of the process.
We were told that the next stage is known as a child appreciation day which would be done the following month where we would meet the agencies doctor, L’s teachers and his foster carers.
We had been matched finally!!