The stresses of stage two

I couldn’t have been more happy that the horrible assessment days were over and done with. In all honesty I felt and still do feel that the assessment days are pointless the way they are run.
Parts of the assessment days are just degrading, the idea is that we are honest and they can assess us but the way that I felt during the assessment made me want to leave, or be fully honest and tell them what I thought of the process.

The next meeting we had with our social worker was done individually to get a feel of us without each other present and to go through our history as a couple and before me and Ricky got together. We arranged our meetings when each other was at work so that one of us didnt have to leave in the typical English December crappy weather.

I had my meeting first and it wasn’t not as bad as I thought it was going to be, however some questions were quite difficult to answer such as some aspects of my health such as my history with depression and also the relationship with my father, which was not in the best of places at this time and to be honest they were both interlinked. I hadn’t really spoke about either of these things openly before, let alone to a person I didn’t really know at all. Our social worker wanted to know what had caused our relationship breakdown and whether this would have an effect on my potential future child. I hadn’t really spoken much about my relationship with my dad before to anyone, Ricky obviously knew about the ups and downs but other than him I hadn’t really told anyone else. I barely knew our social worker and to go this deep into my life was difficult but also it was awkward as there was no choice, I had to talk about it or the alarm bells would be ringing. I don’t really share much of how I’m feeling to anyone, I guess you could call me a bit of a closed book but at this point it was made clear to me that I had to open up.

The one area that I found difficult to mention and to talk about was my mental health, despite the world being (from personal experience) opening up to mental health and being more accepting of it, I found this to be the opposite when it comes to social workers and parenting which is completely confusing.
At the time I was under a lot of stress, from work and from the pressures of adoption, as well as doing a university degree. We both felt at the time of this part social workers don’t really get that you have a full time job and other responsibilities there is a feeling of an expectation that you should be studying, researching and learning aspects of child development, attachment and learning more about adoption, yet that is just not possible. At the time I was on medication to help with this and was not really in a position to come off my medication however when she asked whether I was coming off them (no other question asked before this such as how do I feel being on them? Are they working for you?) I got the feeling and impression that this is what she was wanting to hear, so I said I was. Suddenly finding myself coming straight of them cold turkey. Probably not one of my best ideas, but at the time my mouth opened and it just came out, which left we with no option but to do this as the medical advisor to the adoption team would be requesting copies of medical records prior to the panel date (which was yet to be confirmed).

The comment regarding my and Ricky’s relationship that was made in the assessment day report was also brought up during this meeting, our social worker said that the assessing social workers felt that there was a disconnect between both of us and that they felt our relationship needs to be explored more (erm intrusive but ok). I said that we rarely display any affection in public or around strangers. I also said I felt it was inappropriate to be all cuddly and touchy during an assessment of our adoption application. When I asked why we didn’t show any PDA I said that there are still people who are anti-gay and why put ourselves in danger? Further to this we wouldn’t do it when out with our child because we wouldn’t want him exposed to any hateful comments. Our social worker did mention that she agreed with this and I took the opportunity to mention again that I felt that these comments made in the report were unfair, unjust and just rude. Following the meeting our social worker said she was happy with all the information that I had given and that she knows me and Ricky have a close relationship and understood our feelings on PDA. 

We had many more meetings following this and had to look at different aspects such as what we feel our own parenting styles would be and how we think how we were parented would play a part in our own individual parenting styles. I knew that I would probably be the more stricter parent just because we had already decided that I would be taking the longer work break so naturally I would be the one setting rules and enforcing them, whereas Ricky would be the more relaxed and fun parent. 
We had a meeting to discuss the house plans, by this point we were having a total nightmare with the house sale, sales kept falling through and our social workers now had concerns regarding this. They wondered whether we could now just cancel the sale, despite the money we had already paid on legal fees and the money. Both of us pointed out to our social worker that the reason for the sale was because, a) our previous social worker had said that she was not 100% happy with the apartment, and b) we would not be able to move for approximately a year following an adoption placement to naturally allow for us to bond and settle. We both felt that there was little understanding on their part, we were doing what we felt right but it was completely not our fault for the delays on the sale of the apartment. We had to reassure our social worker that we were still completely committed to the adoption.

During this and leading up to our panel date, where they make a decision whether we would be approved to adopt, our social worker was compiling a document called a PAR (prospective adopter report) which is why we had to fill in so much information and do constant learning. We were also advised to do some volunteering, we both did some volunteering with a local cubs group (as this fitted with the age group we were looking to adopt). Trying to fit all this into an already crazy schedule was a nightmare, we learnt that social workers seem to forget that you have a life, work and other commitments going on as well as trying to do further learning surrounding attachment and volunteering. It was like we both had 2 full time jobs. We got to see the PAR as we had to agree to what was documented and to make sure there wasn’t any information missing from it before it was finalised, signed and submitted to the panel. Which would be the following month…….crazy but completely excited.

The dreaded two day assessment

So, the first day had arrived and this old stately looking home for the assessment. The worst bit was the two days weren’t clumped together and the day off in between happened to be my birthday!! So there was no real celebrating until after the assessment. We arrived and were shown to the cafe and asked to wait here. Slowly some other people arrived, everyone appeared and acted in the same way….pure nervousness and awkwardness about how this assessment was going to go.

After what felt like the longest wait ever we were taken in to a huge room and sat down in a circle. There was myself and Ricky, a heterosexual couple, a lesbian couple and two single female prospective adopters. The social workers introduced themselves other than one of them. There were three social workers who would be carrying out the assessment and working through the tasks, and the final social worker was sat at the back at the room typing up everything, word for word, that was being said by each of us prospective adopters. They outlined how the two days was going to be run and advised us to just be ourselves and not to worry about anything. We then had to introduce ourselves to the group, as you were talking you could hear the keyboard being tapped by the social worker at the back of the room, this was really off-putting. It was quite apparent that I was not the only person who was feeling like this.
The first task came, and the social worker who was leading this task/assessment asked us to split up, so those who came in couples were told to work with someone else for this task. It was a visualisation type task, which I am no good at, I feel genuinely awkward and uncomfortable doing these type of exercises in groups even if I know the others in the group, let alone in front of a room full that consists of a majority of strangers!! We had to close our eyes and imagine being at a train station and waiting for a close friend or family member to arrive, but we realise that we have forgotten our mobile phone and had no other way to contact them. We were talked through this and asked to think about what we would do, how would we feel. Once the task was done we had to say one by one how we felt, what would we do etc. Naturally, I got asked first about how I felt. So, as was expected of us by the social workers and of our own social worker I was honest and said that I struggled with this task as I can’t visualise stories etc it is something that I have always struggled with. I got a look which I can only describe as utter disgust from the social workers. I then explained that I always have my mobile on me, so forgetting it is something that just wouldn’t happen with me, but still all I got was looks of disgust and disappointment from these social workers. Even the tapping of the keyboard appeared to be more violent!!

As the day progressed the awkwardness and feelings of wanting the floor to open up and swallow me was increasing. There was one exercise on this day which sums up this feeling completely and that was when we got split into three groups, again partners not being put into the same group. We all went into different rooms, luckily the social worker who was with my group was really nice. We had to talk about our journey and what has brought us to this point. I spoke first as I felt quite comfortable in this group and explained my journey and what has brought me to this point. One of the group had a similar story but the other prospective adopter talked about her failed IVF experiences. I truly felt for her, and could see that although she had overcome this emotionally, talking about it in front of a group of complete strangers did make her feel, naturally, uncomfortable. Once we had finished we went back into the main room and we all had to talk about how we felt explaining our journeys. I explained that for me I felt fine, I felt comfortable talking about it as the group I was in was friendly. There were a few laughs from the others in the room, which turned out to be a downfall. I still couldn’t get any tell-tale signs from the social worker that I was doing good in this assessment, I literally just seemed to get sighs and eye rolls, despite following their advice. Apparently this task was done to assess whether we had overcome our previous traumas, but to be honest this just felt unnecessary, I mean the social workers had already dug pretty deep into our lives and I’m sure that if we had not overcome previous traumas they would have picked up on this!

Luckily during the breaks we got to know the other prospective adopters so after we finished the first assessment day we went to a local pub to have a few drinks, get to know each other better and have a good old rant about some of the things the social workers had said. It became quite the bitch-fest. It was also great to get to know others in the same position as us, as these guys knew exactly what we were going through and it expanded our support network. We also found out about a great support group, New Family Social (NFS), who are a groups of LGBT adopters or prospective adopters, they do regular meet-ups. Each area of the UK has a group or groups and hold regular meet-ups, we luckily had one in Greenwich. It was great to find this out as prior to being told about the group we literally felt like the only gay couple applying to adopt as we knew nobody else in the same situation as us. It was that stereotypical only gay in the village feeling until we heard about this group!!!

When the second day arrived two days later, the social workers started off by giving us chat saying that they felt we were not taking it seriously and not giving our true feelings. It was clear that they wanted the bad negative feelings, which I felt would not be a true representation of how I was feeling or had felt. I didn’t know whether this was a genuine chat or whether this was the speech given to all other previous prospective adopters. To be honest this really irritated and I was having to hold myself back trying not to say anything to the social workers. I felt like there was no pleasing them. For me it was difficult to not to think about things before responding as it was obvious that we were being recorded, we could distinctly heard every key being tapped by the social worker who was at the back of the room on the laptop. We had all been honest with them when undertaking the exercises etc but I felt that they were wanting us to be negative all the time, which would mean that we were not being honest with them. From this point on I was being more negative in my feelings therefore not being true to myself, which is what they wanted from us, but there was clearly no pleasing these social workers. Another exercise that they asked us to do was to write down on a piece of paper our dream child, I asked us to think of our dream, ideal child and write it on a piece of paper. Once we had done this they told us to rip up this piece of paper, and then asked us individually how we felt. When they got to me I said that it was a horrible thing to do and that I felt upset as this was my dream child, however, in reality this did not affect me in anyway. I knew I wasn’t going to get my dream child, I was going through an adoption process so this child probably won’t have the hair colour that I had thought of, they probably won’t have the dream name that I had picked out, even if we had gone down the surrogacy route I wouldn’t have my dream child because we wouldn’t know what egg had been used. But is there such a thing of a dream child?! NO!!!. Just another pointless exercise, the second day was full of utter BS like this. Well there was some usefulness in the second day, so it wasn’t completely pointless, we got some useful information from the social workers on trauma and what to look out for in terms of behaviours and how to deal with the basics.
At the end of the day we filled in an evaluation form, which we were all brutally honest, I feel that we all felt the same. I know I was completely brutal in my feedback.
We were told that reports on how they felt we had been and performed during the assessment would be typed up and emailed to us via our social workers in the next week or so. 

We met up with our social worker shortly after getting the assessment reports back which we did individually via email which was about 2 weeks after the assessment days. Although we had been given the go ahead to continue with the adoption process (apparently had we not passed the assessment we would have had to undergone further training and advised to do further learning) I was pissed at some of the report. I was told that out of the group I had taken on the class clown role, like seriously, I was fuming that they put that in a formal report. In the report the social workers had written down that I made a few ‘jokes’ causing people to laugh during the assessment. The only two comments that I made was during the first exercise on the first day by saying I could visualise what they wanted us to and the second comment was during the exercise where they separated us all, when asked how we felt opening up to strangers I said I found easy as the group I was with were nice and easy to talk to. Also mentioned in the report they made a comment that they thought we did not seem close. We were both taken aback by this comment, I was also annoyed at this comment as we aren’t naturally cuddly or ‘loved up’ in public let alone with strangers, also how is this a reflection on our relationship considering these social workers don’t know us as a couple or furthermore how is this a reflection on our parenting? I would not be all touchy-feely in front of my child, to me that’s completely inappropriate, as is doing it in front of strangers!!
When we met with our social worker I brought this up, she could tell the minute that I said hello I was annoyed!! I mentioned how I felt and our I felt that parts of this report were not a true reflection on myself or on us as a couple. After the explanations/rant our social worker seemed happy with what we had to say. She did mention that normally prospective adopters have more time in stage 2 and know more of what is expected before they attend the assessment days. The reason we were put on the course early was because they didn’t want to delay the process and then have to push back a potential panel date for us.

We were then told that the next meetings would be done individually to discuss our relationships. I was still annoyed following the conversation, but what could be done? Nothing was going to change and it’s not like our social worker could change the report, but more importantly we were still in the process and progressing forward. As I’m typing this I am still fuming about, the thought of someone else going through the process and having to experience being made to feel like that really gets to me. Im hoping that by doing this and writing this blog might help change things, I do feel that the adoption process does need modernising and less stigma needs to be placed on certain things, as does the focus on previous traumas.

Anyway I will stop this post now before I go off on some rant and get sidetracked!!

The beginning of stage two

Firstly I just want to say sorry for it being some time since my last blog post. Who knew how much time and energy the school holidays take from you!! One of the issues of adoption is that until the adoption order is granted you can’t leave your child with anyone at all, which meant that due to the mr working I had our little dude the whole time. Don’t get me wrong it was amazing, and we got to bond a lot, its just extremely tiring and a 18hr day at least 4 days a week is draining!!!! I thought my 12.5hr work shifts were tough. But it was amazing to see my little guy grow, we went swimming and did some baking, sight seeing. It was a fab easter.

So on to explaining the beginning of our stage two journey. Following the news of being approved to continue we were so happy, but this is where the work really begins. Stage one is predominately formal paperwork to ensure that you are suitable to progress on to the second stage.
We met our social worker at the apartment and she explained to us the stage two process. we were given a folder which again explained the process and the dates of the almost monthly meetings! We were also told that we would be attending a two day training day early on in this stage. Other potential adopters who were also in this stage would be attending however, they would be further on in the process than us along with some other social workers. The reason for us attending so early on was because they didn’t want to delay our application as the next assessment day was not for a while. We were told that these assessment days would consist of different elements such as role play, which is a huge fear of mine, it brings on massive feelings of anxiety and I just completely withdraw. I also don’t do well in group activities because of not knowing the other people. This assessment day seemed like it was going to be a complete nightmare for me. We were given some advice which was to be ourselves and not to try and second guess what the social workers were wanting from us.
Our new social worker also went over the forms that we completed in stage one which was what child we were looking for etc and if anything had changed. We decided that we were now looking to adopt a little boy and decided that we would be happy with an age range of 2 to 5 years. We wanted a healthy child,, we were given the tick box form back and we had multiple choice options which were not open to, would consider or yes would accept. We had to list from these multiple choice options what we could consider based on physical health problems such as Cerebral Palsy, emotional difficulties, learning difficulties such as Downs syndrome and mental health disorders. All of these included parental health such as maternal mother has learning difficulties or has a mental health disorder. The problem with this form was it is so very basic and some of the health disorders listed had such a large spectrum that it was almost impossible to tick that we would accept because we didn’t want to open ourselves up to much incase we then had to reject a possible match later and then have to explain why we couldn’t adopt that particular child.
However, after speaking with our social worker at length we agreed to mark that we would consider/be open to most of the conditions other than mental health. This was due to personal feelings after I had done a lot of research into parental mental health and genetics.

Between this initial meeting and the assessment day we had a few email communications with our social worker but one face to face visit to ensure we were ready for the assessment day, I think she could sense that I was anxious about this. She went back over the advice that she gave us as well and told us that there would be two other couples attending two day assessment along with two single female potential adopters. There would also be four assessing social workers. This did nothing to calm my nerves!!!

The first stage…

We had a wait of a few days following the phone call saying that we had been approved to proceed on to the first stage. After what felt like a lifetime we got an email from the same social worker who had done our screening call, she told us that she would be our allocated social worker for the first phase. She introduced herself and told us that she wanted to meet us at her office in two weeks to go through the formal checks, ID and DBS checks etc. The DBS forms were posted to us and we had to bring the completed forms with us as well as contact details for both our managers so that our work and employment could be verified.

We met our social worker two weeks after the email, it was a very relaxed and chilled meeting. We had a brief chat about a learning/training group that they wanted us to go on which would be towards the end of the first stage.
Our social worker gave us a folder with information on how the process was going to go including the meeting with another social worker at the end of the process which would determine if we would then proceed on to the second stage. We were also given more paperwork that they wanted us to fill out, such as our childhood chronology, financial information (our income and expenditure, any savings and debts such as credit cards), our family tree and finally a learning diary that they wanted us to fill in through out the process (any reading or learning we did related to adoption).

Following the meeting we were asked to read up on attachment theories which we would discuss during our next meeting. This is where our social worker got a little annoyed! I found that they were more focussed on the old school theories of attachment, such as Bowlby. This was super frustrating as all these theories and based on the ‘traditional’ families such as a mother and father. I found more research that was based on positive parental interaction with a child it enhances a strong attachment. Our social worker was a bit taken aback and put off by this, it was obvious that they were not aware of this research. She asked how I came across by this research and how was this research relevant, I explained that it was more relevant to our situation i.e being two gay men about to bring up a child! I was really having to bite my tongue during this meeting, I was starting to feel that they didn’t want us to be proactive in our learning!.

This stage was very much focussed on paperwork and getting the formal things sorted. We had to sign consent for the councils medical advisor to obtain our medical notes from our GP. We also had a health and safety check done on our apartment, although this didn’t go too well. Our social worker felt that the child’s bedroom was too small despite it being a double bedroom, and that our balcony could be deemed dangerous, because we had Moroccan lanterns. She felt that the child could use the lanterns to climb over the side of the balcony..however she was not reassured that we would obviously not allow the child onto the balcony unsupervised. I was so frustrated with this because these were aspects that shouldn’t cause any problems or be an obstacle with our adoption process. However, it was clear that our social worker felt that our two double bedroom sized apartment was not big enough to raise a child. Following this we decided to sell our apartment following some positive valuations on it. We had always envisaged having a family home but now just seemed to be the best time to do it (this would later be a real pain!!). We listed our apartment the following week.

We attended the learning group in Lewisham that we spoke about during our first meeting with our social worker. Due to the dates that the group was being run on meant that our first stage slightly overran. The day learning group was more of an insight into adoption and learning about how the process is run and what we need to learn to show that we are able to care for adopted children who have had traumatic experiences in their previous lives. It was really great as there were also couples who had previously adopted and decided to go through it again, this was quite nice and reassuring to see that these couples were going through the process the second time. During the learning group breaks both myself and Ricky spoke with them to get advice and to hear their personal stories and experiences of the process.  It was reassuring to see and hear that despite all the stress we have been through and the stress that is to come, there is an end and that it is totally worth it.

A week or two following the learning group we had the meeting with our social worker and another social worker to discuss our learning and to answer questions related to us and our family as well as what we could offer our future child. The meeting only laster an hour or so, during which we were both asked questions some of which were quite repetitive as were our answers, such as what have we learnt and how can we implement this. We had to wait for about two weeks for our ‘case’ (as they kept putting it) to be put forward to the rest of the pre-adoption team who would decide whether we would be progressed onto the second stage. This was a crazy long wait, everyday I was checking my emails throughout the day to see if our social worker had emailed us. The waiting is the worst, there is a complete feeling of being out of control, something that I am not used to and hate feeling.

Finally I got an email from our social worker asking me to call her when I was free. Both myself and Ricky had a random, very rare day off together, so we called her and put her on loudspeaker. It was great news. We were progressing on to the next stage of the adoption process. YAY!!!! The call was very composed and we were told that there would be a short wait whilst we wait to have a new social worker allocated to us. Once we put the phone down there was loads of jumping and shouting going on. It was such a great feeling. After so much paperwork, unnecesary reading and learning we were moving forward and going to be parents!!!

For now it was just another wait…..something we soon learn to deal with as it would happen very frequently.

The initial call….

So after we posted the form of interest in adopting we had a bit of a wait before we heard anything back. The one day whilst I was at work I got a phone call from a social worker at Greenwich social services, she wanted to go through the form that we had sent off the other week and had a few questions for me. She told me that it would be a quick phone call and however this turned in to a 40 minute phone call (totally not the best of times for this chat as I was on my way to meet a family, but you know needs must and all!!). She asked a heap of questions relating to both mine and Ricky’s childhoods and upbringing, schooling (I hardly knew anything of Rickys childhood other than the basics so I kinda had to fob her off on some of this!), our finances such as our income and expenditure. Also what are our current jobs and is anything changing. She then started asking things about both of our child care experiences……I totally had this one in the bag!!

So after the 40minute intensive phone call she explained to me the call was a screening call and she has to now discuss our application with her manager before she can tell us whether we will be taken on as potential adopters with the borough. We should find out by the end of the week is all she could tell me. I was completely thrown off, partly because I was not expecting the phone call but also the questions were completely unexpected, I felt as if this should have been discussed either in person with both myself and Ricky there or over the phone with both us present. It was odd but then again something that I had no control over and couldn’t really mention my true feelings (something I would soon come to find is a regular feeling during a potential adopters journey).

A few days passed when and I got an email from the social worker who had phoned me earlier in the week, she asked me to call as soon as I was free so she could discuss the outcome of the meeting with me. I called as soon as I got the email and it was the best news ever……….we were being take on. We had now officially started our adoption journey. I called Ricky as soon as I got off the phone to tell him the news, we both felt so numb but we were both, obviously, so excited.

Our dream of having a family was in the making, it was weird as we knew that we could be ‘dropped’ at any point but there was also that feeling that somewhere out there is a child that could potentially be placed with us.
We could know announce our plans with other family members that we had not yet told but also to close friends and work colleagues.

We now had to wait until we were allocated a social worker to take us through the first of the two stages of adoption. We were told that we might have a short wait until one was allocated to us but we were advised to start researching the process and start some learning as this will help.

It was finally happening!!


How it all started……..

Hi!

So our journey into fatherhood began many years back, which makes me feel super old!!
As I mentioned in my last post we initially looked at going down the surrogacy route. We made an appointment to see the British Surrogacy Centre based in Essex. I had done quite a bit of research on surrogacy and read into other peoples experiences of this. To be completely honest this is what I had wanted for so long, to experience having a child biologically either mine or my partners. Also I had dreamed of having the new born baby experience, my job makes me so broody!!!

When we arrived at the centre I was super excited, we were taken to some sort of meeting room and given so much information. They went into a lot of detail and gave us both options that the centre offers, the first being surrogacy here in the UK and the second being using their office in California. After the meeting which gave us both a massive headache due to all the information these guys piled on to us we headed to a pub for food and drink! We talked over the information but it was clear that we felt both options were not for us.
Firstly the UK law surround surrogacy is dated, complicated and to be perfectly honest messed up. The way in which surrogacy works is that the surrogate is essentially a host while the egg is a donor egg, therefore the surrogate is not biologically related to the child whatsoever yet the surrogate could change her mind and keep the child meaning it would be shared parenting. In the UK the government do not recognise the agreement that would be made between us, the surrogate and the centre therefore meaning that the whole process would not be legally binding. This worried me massively as it is an expensive process yet there is no guarantee that we would have a child at the end of this either way.
Secondly the US option was a no go. Although legally the states have surrogacy on point, its legally binding no turning back. However the costs of this are huge and we would have to stay in the states for 4 weeks following the birth as you can’t fly with a child under 4 weeks of age, so again additional costs!!.
At this point it was a odd feeling, I wasn’t open to the idea of adopting at all at this point. I am quite stubborn and set in my way of thinking which probably looking back on the idea of surrogacy (and totally now having a different mindset!!!) I didn’t want to think about it or look into it. The mr had always thought about adoption but prior to the meeting I was dead-set on surrogacy. So now I was kind of lost, not knowing what to think or where to turn to.

Fast forward 2 and a bit years following a apartment purchase and we are looking at adoption! We moved to Greenwich and thought it made sense to contact Greenwich to see what the process of adopting through them was. We attended an information day to get more info etc. To be honest this didn’t really give much info it was very basic and the information event was over pretty quickly. We were given a form to fill out if we want to proceed. We had a discussion on the drive back home on what to do next, we decided that given we had little information and it didn’t seem like we would get much more info if we called we decided to fill in the form and send it off. The form asked the basics, i.e. address, names, DOB but it then asked for 7 references of people of know us. These 7 people would be asked to send the social worker a reference on us as a couple and whether they think we could adopt and what sort of life would we give the child. We also had to specify what gender we both wanted, which is something we already knew after much thought. Initially we were open to gender but after talking we realise we wanted a little boy. We filled in the form the same day after calling different people we wanted to use as a reference (family and close friends). We posted it off and it was a waiting game from then!!!

So thats my second post! Hope its helpful and not too much of a waffle on.

🙂

My first post :)

Hi guys,

So my first ever blog, exciting right?! Well who knew I would start writing about my life. To be honest Im normally a very closed-book-type of person, don’t open up to many people but my life has taken a complete turn since my 5 year old adopted son moved in almost 10 weeks ago.
Life as I originally knew it has completely but fabulously changed. Granted there are completely horrendous days but then there are those amazing days where I just sit back and think how utterly amazing my life is and how grateful I am to be in this situation.

My journey to fatherhood began many years ago back in 2013. Myself and my husband originally looked into surrogacy, neither of us had really thought about adoption. I had looked into surrogacy and made an appointment with a centre for both of us to go and get the information we needed to see whether this was an option for both of us. UK law is super complicated and not fully easy around surrogacy. After a brief chat following the appointment we decided that this path is not for us. Firstly its super expensive (it was about the same amount as our deposit for our apartment!) but also in the UK there is no (well was at the time I’m not so sure now) guarantee that the surrogate would not try to keep the baby despite it not being biologically hers!! We did briefly look at doing it in the US but financially this would not be possible.

After 3 years of putting fatherhood on the back burner and focussing on our lives and buying our first home together we went back to the drawing board and decided to look at adoption. By this point we were living in Greenwich so we registered for their information evening. Anyway roughly 3 years after going to the information evening I am sat here writing this blog with my little guy fast asleep up in his bedroom…….seems unreal that I am now a Dad. I completely love it.

Im hoping that not only this blog help me offload but will be of some help to those going through this process or pass on some of my slight wisdom to those looking at being dads. I aim to explain the process both the good and the bad through this blog….perhaps this might become something and I can author it who knows!!!

Anyways, I think I might have waffled on for ages now and probably it might be absolute chaos and make zero sense but hey ho! The next entry will for sure make sense!!!

🙂