The life of a working dad

Another slightly of topic/track post!! So I had my first night shift back at work last night (I’m writing this post whilst waiting for my train home!!). I have done a day shift but that was fine, the little guy was at school and all was good, obviously I was busy at work and since I hadn’t been working since the new year I spent have my shift trying to figure out what I was meant to be doing. As well as getting to know all the new faces! Well tonight was a chilled night but I couldn’t help but feel like I was missing out. Major FOMO!

This is natural though…right? Although I had dropped him to school that morning it was going to be over 24 hours before I would see my little guy again, plus the mr had taken him out after school yesterday so that contributed to the FOMO!! But being away overnight just felt wrong, it was the first night that I had spent away from my newly made family. I know it was the first of many given my job and I always knew that I wasn’t going to be given the luxury of being a kept husband, but it was bloody hard.

The past seven months of being a dad have been difficult, naturally. Parenting an adopted child is so much more difficult. Even I didn’t really anticipate how difficult and challenging it would be despite the consent mentioning of this by our social worker, but then until your in it you don’t know. It’s been difficult having to explain things to others especially when they go “oh all children do that” hmm they might but this is different! Being with him everyday for the past 7 months has been amazing, challenging and questioning my abilities on a daily basis, but so worth it. The idea of going back to work properly in September is tugging on my heart strings. Any tips would be greatly appreciated!!! Or at least reassure me it gets easier!!!

The most tiring and full on day yet!!

So the day had arrived where we travelled up to have a day of information, we would soon learn that this would be a brain aching amount of information.
We drove 2 hours from our home to meet the agencies medical advisor. Our social worker met us there and told us what to expect. A week or two before this child appreciation day we had gone over the medical report again to prep us for this meeting and to figure out questions. We met the medical advisor and she went through the whole report, explaining his health as well as his mothers health from conception through to the present day. She also explained that they have no health details relating to his father. The medic was really thorough with the information that she gave us, there were some concerns and things to bear in mind relating to his educational development, but these are things to keep and eye on for when he was a bit older. Following the meeting we had a brief chat with our social worker and she wanted to know how we felt. For both of us there were no red flags or concerns at all. We knew that things can crop up over time but the main thing is that he is developing well and with the right support he should be fine in terms of his education. Yes there were naturally concerns given the information we got given about his mums health during pregnancy, the lack of care he got at home with his mum and of course the lack of information on his dads health, but there would be concerns regardless. Health problems can arise at anytime. At this point nothing was off putting for either of us.

We left the medical advisors office and headed to his school. It was another long drive (over an hours drive) to his primary school. I remember thinking that if we got approved to adopt him he’s going to have a huge change in terms of his environment. The schools surroundings were gorgeous, lots of green and huge spaces for the children to run around in. Completely different to West London!
All three social workers were there (ours, L’s social worker, and the family finding social worker), the local authorities virtual school teacher, the schools SENCO and his class teacher for the meeting. We got to hear how well he is performing academically and got to see some of his school work. We were asked about schools that we were looking at for him and explained that we were in the process of finding some local schools and will be visiting them shortly.
The SENCO took us on a tour of the school and the school grounds. Then, there he was!! We saw him! He looked so cute stood there in his school uniform looking back at us really confused, clearly wondering who these two guys were looking back and smiling at him!! I couldn’t believe it, he was gorgeous and watching him being cheeky and running around the playground I knew he was the little boy for us. Such a special moment, one that we still haven’t forgotten.
We asked his teacher for a list of his favourite books which we would get for him so that if/when he moves it they are ready to read to him.

It was time to head to our final part of the child appreciation day, we drove a really short journey to meet L’s foster carers. L wouldn’t be there for the meeting as we were not yet allowed to officially meet him. We met both his foster mum and dad, they were completely lovely. We were welcomed in to their house and shown through to the kitchen, their house was lovely. I remember joking with our social worker that L would have a huge shock!
We spoke with the foster carers and again all three social workers were present for this, although L’s social worker and family finding social worker had to leave early. Our social worker stayed with us for the duration of the meeting. His foster carers told us that he was doing well and was a loving, caring funny little boy. His behavior initially needed some work to improve but it dramatically improved once him and his brother had been separated. We spoke about how he was at school and how his home learning was. They told us about his health and that they had no concerns physically, but psychologically he was still having nightmares related to previous trauma however, this was improving day by day. 

The meeting went well, and we both felt very positive about all the information we were given, nothing was overwhelming, like I had imagined it to be. Yet this may have been because everything was very positive. It was suggested by the family finding social worker that we swap numbers so that we can see photos of L and keep up to date with how he is doing. We could also speak with the foster carers if we had anymore further questions. This sounded really positive, it came across as a slight hint that things were proceeding the right way. We left and had a quick chat with our social worker before we got into our cars and headed for home. She told us to keep open minded and to remember that yes, he might be great now but things can change later on in life, given what went on antenatally. In the car journey home we spoke about the information we had been given but we both had huge headaches from the amount of information we had been given but nothing had really changed our minds, we still wanted to go ahead and continue to the panel meeting which had yet to be decided. Such a great feeling. There was no change in how we felt, we still wanted to proceed with this process with L.

The next step would be the panel, which we were told would take place in the next few weeks. During this time we were advised to get on with finding a potential school, making the introduction book and DVD. Both of these were to introduce us to L, which would be shown to L by his foster carers’. The idea is that they have the DVD on in the background as well so that the child gets used to seeing your faces and hearing your voices. With the book the foster carers’ should be reading and showing the child the book daily. We knew he liked Lego and marvel superhero’s so we made it with bits of Lego and mini-figures of Lego superhero’s. In the book we had pictures of me and Ricky as well as close family members in there so that he knew who was who. Neither of us was sure on what we wanted L to call us, Ricky was keen on being called daddy but wasn’t fully sure, so we decided the best thing to do would be to call ourselves Daddy Chris and Daddy Ricky. This was probably not ideal but it seemed the best option at the time.
The book was great fun to make whereas the DVD was quite cringey. The thing was you’re talking to a child, who is not there and you don’t truly know, you have no idea what their personality is despite knowing everything about their upbringing and health but you’ve never met them.

We were now ready for panel!