#YouCanAdopt Campaign

An amazing campaign in the UK launched yesterday. The aim of this campaign is to dispel the myths of what stops people from adopting and to encourage those thinking of adopting to take the first steps in their journey.

During mine and my husbands adoption journey we came across people who had been hesitant in the past to register with local authorities or agencies because of reasons like they would be single adopters, they don’t earn enough or because they rent their home instead of owning it. These are all myths. I’m so happy that this campaign has begun as their are so many children waiting for homes as well as children deemed ‘hard to place children’ because of their background, previous broken down placements or because they are over the age of 4 which is crazy, this means that our little boy was within this category as he had just turned 5 when he was placed with us. At the time of me typing up this blog there are currently over 2500 children waiting on the adoption list of which 28% have been waiting for their forever home for over a year.

There are common myths of why people can’t adopt such as being single, having a disability, not owning their home, not earning enough money, not having a spare room. But these are all myths. The only requirements in the UK are that you are over 21 years of age and are resident in the UK. Criminal record checks (enhanced) are done so make sure you declare any convictions to your social worker. Also as long as your in good health including mental health all should be good.

For us all these things were fine. I have a history of anxiety and depression but this was not a problem once I opened up and spoke about it with our social worker. This was difficult initially just because it’s not something at the time I talked about, but it’s totally worth it if it gets you further along the adoption process. My tip to you just be honest and open with your social workers, this is what they are looking for from you during the pre approval phase. It also helps you as well, because of my history our social worker checked in more with me during the early days of little mans placement to make sure that I was coping ok.

There are many charities out there which help those going through the adoption process: 1) Adoption UK – https://www.adoptionuk.org 2) Banardos – https://www.barnardos.org.uk/adopt?gclid=CjwKCAjwkoz7BRBPEiwAeKw3q1DIeOsNChJhQC53DQnJ2njmc4AlS5NdMAFCjJT7afTI_bvHYyXXghoCT1IQAvD_BwE 3) Action For Children – https://www.actionforchildren.org.uk/fostering-adoption/find-out-more-about-adoption-ppc/?gclid=CjwKCAjwkoz7BRBPEiwAeKw3q5V2sFCfRmxpVdwdggFF2WV81RRdK6zfr4wk5LYNathvSixp8EgLEBoC9RMQAvD_BwE. 4) You Can Adopt – https://www.youcanadopt.co.uk

Check out these sites they also have social media accounts, I really recommend Adoption UK’s Instagram account. I have found this super helpful, there is also a great adoption community on Instagram to. Plus there is also my book (available on amazon). Also feel free to reach out to me if I can ever be of any help.

The matching panel

The day had finally arrived. this would determine whether we could adopt our little dude. We traveled the 2 hours back up to the adoption social workers office for the late morning meeting. Our social worker arrived shortly after us, followed by L’s social worker and the family finding social worker. L’s new social worker who was allocated to him as part of the councils restructuring was meant to be here for the panel meeting but she never showed up!

Both myself and Ricky were really nervous. This was the determining decision on whether we could proceed with adopting L or not, there was so much pressure on both of us to succeed with this, so much was at stake and mentally if it went the other way I don’t know what I would do. The panel team were made of up 7 different people including social workers, adults who had been adopted and an adoptive mother. Before we went into the panel we had a brief chat with the chair person who gave us a brief overview of how the meeting will go.

We were asked questions on why we felt that L was the right match for us, and what we have done to prepare for him such as looking at schools etc. By this point we had already visited a school and that we felt that this would be the perfect school for him, it was close to home, had lots of room for L to play and green spaces so it didn’t feel like a city school. We were asked questions by other members of the panel, there were a few questions such as what was our plan for work but also how would this fit in with school holidays, which is something we had not thought about. I mentioned to the panel that I intend to reduce my working hours to 10 shifts per month which would give me more time at home and therefore reducing the amount of time L would spend with other family members or childminders. Ricky also works shifts so childcare during term time as well as the school holidays is something that we should be able to sort out, from a worst case scenario point of view is that we would need support from our family no more than twice a week. 

L’s social workers were also asked questions such as why did they think we were a good match, what do they think we could offer him, and what else needs to be completed before we could be introduced to him. At the end of the meeting we had to hand over the introduction DVD that we made for him as well as the book we also made. The panel loved the book that we made, apparently it was one of the best that they had seen. Once we had handed this over to the panel we then left the room and went back to the meeting room where we had been before the panel to wait to hear their decision.

The chairperson and a panel advisor came to see us about ten minutes after the panel interview had finished, this was the longest wait, it felt longer than the wait after our last panel assessment. It was great news. They all agreed that we were a great match for L, we were over the moon with this. All this hard work, and the multiple emotional breakdowns were completely worth it. We had found our little boy. The next step would be meeting him!! I couldn’t wait to meet him, although we were told that this would be in the new year.

We left the book, pictures and DVD with his social worker for them to pass on to the foster carers’. Unfortunately we forgot to bring the teddy for him which we had included in the pictures in his introduction book that we made him, however, thankfully this would work out as we could give it to him in person if we were to meet him. 

We had to wait until we had the formal approval which we were told we should have within ten working days. This is when the nerves kick in and panicking. I had experienced this before, such as the panel result back at the end of stage two but that was different, yes it determined whether we could adopt or not. But now we had found our little boy and could adopt him, we had seen our little guy, met everyone and just been told by his social worker that we were pretty much a perfect match for him. To get this far and having put so much effort into creating the perfect home for him and making sure that we were doing everything right, the idea of not being approved by the agency decision maker would be completely heartbreaking. It was completely unimaginable. 

The following week came and I called our social worker to discuss a date for the next meeting and causally asked whether she had heard anything back from the panel. She then oddly asked why I was asking as she had received an email and thought we had already been told. We had been formally approved!! I could not stop jumping up and down, we were both extremely happy at this news. We even got sent a congratulations message from L’s foster carers’ which was completely unexpected but really sweet of them. 

2019 is going to be our year!!